Authenticity

E927CFEE-FC02-48F1-BF43-3C66059FC674

Authenticity.

What does the word mean to you?

This is an interesting topic when it comes to the fitness and health industry. It seems as though at every corner of Facebook, Instagram and Snapchat, there is some bodybuilder/gymrat/health junkie promoting a new supplement brand, a “skinny tea”, or a clothing line.

People need to make a living, and brand sponsorships are one of the primary means for health and fitness influencers to make an income. And I extend cudos to them for their hard work and dedication to the industry.

But even more so, I find that the real influencers that resonate with me, the ones that I will continue to support by means of YouTube, IG, etc. are the ones that albeit their success with brands, stay truly authentic to who they are.

They share the ups and downs of their fitness journeys, their struggles and triumphs in life, and their personal stories. Because of this, I can see myself through them. I can look up to them and be inspired by their accomplishments.

I want to be viewed in the same way by all of my own readers, watchers and supporters.

So today I am sharing my own story. Long, messy, full of raw growth and enlightenment. It is as much “me” as I can bring to you through a computer screen.

Here it goes.

Throughout my adolescent life, I never really participated in any sports, I didnt have any special talents or hobbies. I was just me, plain and simple. No cool interests to keep me occupied. This fact isn’t really of that much importance aside from the fact that because I never played sports, when I entered highschool I was sort of at a loss for meeting my peers skills in classes like PE. Never being picked for teams, and feeling inferior to the girls who played sports and were naturally athletic and fit looking took a toll on my self confidence. I was never really “overweight” but I wasn’t necessarily the size of most girls my age. And to be honest, I felt like shit because of it, and I eventually got tired of it and wanted a change, but the damage that feeling did to my self confidence stayed with me. I started running in grade 10, and lost some weight (plus puberty was finally tapering off lol). But it wasn’t enough for me. Do to some personal issues going on in my life, where I felt like I had no control, I took control of my eating. Or lack thereof. I fell for every stupid “low carb” “low fat” trend diet out there, which meant all I ate was vegetables and egg whites. Maybe some plain chicken breast. Plus I was working out to such an extent that my caloric intake could not support (although less than how I train now, but my caloric intake and metabolism needs were different 4 years ago) the type of exercise I was doing. I was probably consuming around or less than 800 calories a day.

3A1B20FC-6121-4177-B417-3CCC114FA22D

What still perplexes me to this day, though, is that unlike what you hear about most eating disorders, I wasn’t really concerned with how I looked. I did not weigh myself, I did not stare at myself in the mirror, because my weight loss was so drastic and immediate, I was content with how I looked finally. But I became obsessed with not letting my new physique go, I became even more strict on myself in order to preserve my oh-so desperately desired slim frame. If I felt something were upsetting me, Id become even more strict, and push myself even harder. And although I was lost in this reality for quite some time, it did not last forever, as I slowly began to notice how exhausted and empty I felt spiritually, emotionally and physically. I could see how I had almost appeared to have shrunken into my former self, all that was left was a smaller, fragile shell of who I used to be. Id lost my emotional energy that makes me loud, quirky and funny when I want to be, I had no hobbies as I had no energy to do more than exercise and do schoolwork. At this time, I can clearly remember a PE teacher Id had a few years prior coming up to me and telling me how great I looked, at the time, I was slowly beginning to see that I was harming my body, and what was supposed to be a compliment, hurt me so deeply because it was the product of my own self hatred. At the time my eyes looked empty, I had no energy, had grown tiny hairs on my entire  body because I was constantly freezing cold, and was basically a shell of myself. I was consumed with anxiety over my life, I was too stubborn and proud to go seek out help, and I felt so lost, yet so determined to turn my life around, by myself.

D1EA5188-4CCE-4C0F-9ABD-8F0C40949893

Recovery was one of the most difficult things I have had to endure. When your body isn’t used to eating large amounts of food, yet you have to in order to exceed your daily metabolic number of calories burned in order to gain weight, you feel constantly sick to your stomach. I became unable to digest food properly so I would vomit up (involuntarily) what I was eating trying to help myself. I remember having to eat high-calorie meals late at night even when I wasn’t hungry because I knew it was the only way I could gain weight. At around this time, I started reading health articles and blogs and became increasingly interested in health, as a way to heal myself and improve my overall wellbeing after mistreating my body for so long. This is when I started my blog, as I was slowly learning to love myself again, I wanted to share my story, and the knowledge of what I had learned along the way in order to help people possibly experiencing the same things I had.

E927CFEE-FC02-48F1-BF43-3C66059FC674

Along with each post, each video and each picture taken, I slowly began to regain my weight loss and reach a place of health and increased happiness, I also knew that I wanted to provide people with REAL information on health and wellness. I didn’t want to talk about low-carb, low-fat, high-bullshit diets that drive people into the kind of self-sabotage that I did. I wanted to inspire to live a happy, healthy, whole life, with quality nutritional and fitness information. To guide people along their journeys in an authentic, compassionate and holistic style. To let people know that they should love and nourish their bodies; or teach that you don’t need to feel guilty for eating a slice of cake or missing a workout. But at the same time, I wanted to show my readers how delicious a kale salad can taste, and demonstrate my favourite glute workouts. Life is a balance of holding on and of letting go of what no longer serves us in a powerfully positive manner. Through Mindfully Miranda, through my future Personal Training and through my nutritional guidance, I want to inspire this power in each and every one of you that desires it. I stand for you.

DECD72F1-1573-40B6-A3F7-7F46F10F26F9

xo Miranda

4 Comment

  1. Annononous says: Reply

    Hi Miranda, I went to highschool with you & we were never close but after stumbling across your website & reading this post I can so relate to you! I am currently struggling with the same thing. I restricted myself so much, from eating, to a point where it was no longer beneficial. Instead of doing something which I thought would help my body become “more fit”, I deprived it from things it needed. This, along with my physical appearance I have derived from depriving my once healthy and muscular body (I feel like a breakable stick with no energy), has put me in a feeling of regret. I would love your guidance but as silly as this may sound, I don’t want you to know who I am as I feel ashamed for becoming like this.

    1. Miranda Tompkins says: Reply

      Hi there Anonymous, I am so sorry to hear that you are struggling with an issue much like my own. If I can give you an solace, it is that you are not alone and I know exactly how you feel. I want you to know that you are strong and capable of overcoming this. We are each given a struggle in life we have to face, but once we go forth and work towards solving it, we find our own inner strength and purpose. I harbor no judgement over having struggled with food issues, and I too was ashamed at first and didn’t want to open up about, but I wanted my story to help other people so I shared it, and now I am speaking to you about it. If you don’t want to share your identity, thats more than alright, but know that you dont have to worry about me knowing who you are. If you want to, you can continue to use this forum to talk to me, or I can send you my personal email. Are there any questions you have in particular or just general guidance you are looking for?

      xo Miranda

  2. Anon says: Reply

    You’re so inspirational and beautiful. Your courage for sharing your story is incredible– it brought tears to my eyes. You look so amazing and bold and happy. I went to high school with you and I remember adoring your long hair, bright clothes and the warmth you gave off. You were so beautiful then and you are so beautiful now. Not to mention, I adored your intellect. We pretty much never talked, but I think about you now quite often seeing your updates for this blog on social media and I’m always trying to foster up the motivation and endurance to live a lifestyle like you. I admire your passion and drive and confidence and I think you’re one hell of a human being.

    1. Miranda Tompkins says: Reply

      Thank you for getting back to me so quickly! When I read your comment yesterday I felt so guilty that I hadn’t replied sooner but my email didn’t notify me of your comment. I wanted to say to you just how much your kind words mean to me, I’ve been feeling a lot of challenges surrounding staying positive and uplifting lately, and I see your comment as the Universe reminding me of the outpouring of love and light that it’s capable of giving. Thank you 💛 There is a quote by Lao Tzu that is in my personal Training textbook – it says “The Journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.” Much like how it is with with anything in life. Just taking one small step in the right direction will change your life 🙂 Whether that’s fuelling your body with an ample supply of rich, nourishing foods, doing a morning meditation practice or journaling, these types of things can help centre you and encourage even more kindness towards your health and wellbeing such as conscious exercise doing things you love and continued healthful and enjoyable eating. After I struggled with my eating disorder, I found it very hard to balance these things in my life – but the best thing I can say for you to do is to focus on the things that make your soul happy.
      Whether that’s spending time with friends, watching a Netflix series,
      Eating ice cream – whatever – I encourage you to fill yourself up with as much positivity as possible 🙂 It’s feeling good on the inside that leads you towards making good decisions about your health and fitness because it comes out of a place of pure love for yourself.

      Let me know if/how I can be of help towards you on your journey, as I’m always here to chat with! I regret I didn’t get to know you better in HS (I’m assuming we went to Pano together)

      Xo Miranda

Leave a Reply